Jul 7, 2009

'Discipline' and 'Control': How to differentiate?

I think this is a question of all the parents, not only us.

Aryaa seems to be little bit spoiled after one month stay in Nepal. I think they let her do whatever she wanted to do. They might be thinking that she would feel 'not loved' if tried to control. This was wrong.

She wants same here too and it's a big headache now. We take her to childrens' parks as much as possible but being a too energetic kid, a couple of hours in the park isn't enough for her. She wants to jump and run in the room too. We are afraid that the old couple who live in the apt. below us will come to complain. There was a family with children above us in our previous apartment and we were too irritated by the noise made by children. Aryaa is alone, so noise is less but still enough to irritate the ill couple below, especially when she throws things to the floor or drags something.

She doesn't want to eat by herself now, needs to be fed. She was already very good in eating by herself before going to Nepal. They fed her everyday in home, I guess. I know they are showing love but---. She must be having difficulty in the kindergarten now as all the children of her age are required to eat by themselves.

She now wants to let the tap always open and "wash" her hands as long as she wants. Although water is abundant here, is it good to let her develop such a habit?

Throwing clothes and other things into the floor has become her another hobby. Nothing else can make her happier sometimes!

I know it's not good to say "Don't do this!" and "Don't do that!" to children all the time but what can we do? Sometimes it's necessary for her safety, sometimes we have to be careful about neighbors and sometimes what she wants is impossible.

Controlling children too much is bad, it obstructs their psychological growth but letting them do whatever they want spoils them. Everybody wants their children to be disciplined. So how to differentiate between 'discipline' and 'control'?

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4 comments:

Dhakal Rabi said...

oh, Basanta ji, we had similar experiences. when we went Nepal he was odd being mostly disciplined, when we came back Japan, again, he became odd being mostly chaotic. those habits(randomness is still exist not all but few of them). they say freedom we say discipline, kinna a tug of war.

Neeti Aryal Khanal said...

good post, I am always confused where to draw the line 'this is enough'. And my son hates the word 'no'. soon after we say that, he looks at us with big eyes and angry look and say 'malai chitta dukhya cha', it does not sound so cute anymore

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Basanta said...

Thank you Rabindrajee and Neetijee for sharing your experience. Drawing a line between 'control' and 'discipline' is really difficult. Lets try.

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